Welcome to the Humor Authority, today's leader in securing the integrity of the general public's sense of humor. Our mission is to hold citizens to an unparalleled comedic standard. Members of the authority make every effort to identify, address and resolve the root causes of failed attempts at humor. Officers are expected to use excessive force along with age-old questionable military tactics to do whatever is necessary to reduce humorless occurrences. Those who insist on continuing to attempt to be funny without sucess will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Repeat offenders operating under the guise that they are indeed funny along with those who enable this behavior will be apprehended, critiqued, ridiculed and relentlessly ragged on for an undisclosed amount of time. We know you think Betsy from the nail salon is hilarious. It is our mission to inform you that Betsy is an unfunny cunt who only get laughs from middle aged women who think Jerry Lewis is edgy. The time for fake laughing at your dentists horrible impression of Chris Rock's, "I'm not sayin he shoulda killed her, but I understand" bit is over. The time to tell that cocky heeb Ishmael that the cute secretary only laughs at his hack bullshit because all his coworkers are pretending to spin dradles and fry up latkes behind his back is here. Instead of walking away with a sense of regret, the Authority fully protects your right to tell him he is gay and faggot and his people were the cause of all the major wars of the world. The Authority has and will continue to use whatever means necessary to improve the public's sense of humor. Thank you
Chief of Police
Dennis Johnson
